Posts (page 2)

he was sick..............i called him yesterday to check with him whether he can recommend my fren to join m1 and he sound really sick. so we chat for while.....so today i already had my mind set that i will drop by paragon to pass him some herbal tea. after lesson i went to laser my N. den from macpherson was still raining heavily so i took a cab to paragon with 5 bottles of drink den reach there $20 dollars becos of the ERP $7. OMG!!!! I went in searching ard for him but can't see him den someone say he was too sick went home already. so i was thinking should i take a cab to CCK to pass him. within 5 mins i decided to go. on my way i was quite hungry ...so trying to make sure is he at home i sms him to check with how is he feeling den he call say still okie lor. so not to let him know. just a words den we hanged up when i reached $17 cab fare. i sms him saying blah blah my intention just wanna pass him thats all. he call saying why i come all the way... he say he is going to sleep he ask me to go off so i said i leave it at the void deck u just come down n collect cos i know he doesn't want to see me. in the end he came down, and started asking funny things like he used to ask like why u did button up ur polo t....why i met up with BT. and he came close with his face i did not know how to react and the 3rd time he did that i move a little forward he shunned and say we cannot be like this and less than 10 mins he keep asking me to go hm i asked him how to go CCK interchange cos i dun want to take taxi anymore he was pissed and ask me to take taxi he say he will pay. Seriously i did not expected him to do anything cos i know we are through maybe subconciously i still care a alot thats why i did this today. Michelle says now u get it why he wanna sever ties with u cos is real hard to be frenz........I am just contridicting if he treats me real mean i will be super upset if he continue to be nice he will make me even more difficult to leave. i really can't help to feel upset that he do not even want to chat with me more than 5 mins. and this week SEP starts everyone in my class started calling their love ones to update like jumping the slidess but i can't call him anymore. i can't call anyone else. haiz how sad it is to feel like this...... i dunno why . is really IMPOSSIBLE but i still feel alot.

when you walk away , i count the steps you take

Do you see how much i need you right now

when you're gone....

the pieces of my heart are missing you.

when you're gone......

the face i came to know is missing too...

when you're gone.....

all the words i need to hear to always get me through the day and

make it ok.......

I MISS YOU..................

seriously i am really missing him but there's no need to think about him anymore because it has really ended. i know it so clearly but i still coudn't get over. i really miss him alot.................i view the photos every night b4 i sleep......everything i do reminds me of him....i love the things he do........

i dunno wad to do hoping by next week when SEP training starts i can be more focus with work and stop thinking about him. Thought that once training starts i will not think of him however it doesn't seems to be...........nobody can help me.......argh.....i really dunno what to do to get u out my mind. i really miss you.

Finally everything has come to an end. Actually there is two times we wanna put a stop everything already. once was during CNY. once was after CNY. That time i was really upset like a living dead so i told myself i dun wan to spend my days so sad b4 leaving m1. i told him and plead him to back to wad we were till 24/03/08 my last day in m1. he disagree but after arguements and everything he agree to it. so on 24/03/08 everyone went for  supper. he send me home n he did not want to in the first place. but most of them left he sent me home. we talk we hug we kiss and i ask him will you still call again he say no he is not going to call me again . he say this is wad we had agree. that night i'm so surprise he take it so well. he did not feel sad at all. so i told him that now den i know his feelings can be like signing a contract or like an argeement the date comes means the date comes. he say wad to to do have to control. he say life still goes on he only came into 1/4 of my life.  he says he will control not to call me and he say 70% he thinks he can do it. b4 this day comes i ask myself seriously by this date am i able to take it that he is no longer there ...... am i so confident that i will not be sad..... now i know the answer. In a way its better i dun have to face him anymore not that painful but deep down in me i dun want to lie i do feel pain and sad. thats why i try not to sleep till 4 hoping that i will be super tired so i will not think. still i will think. text him today to check with him is my hp pouch with him ? he called as usual doesn't like to text ....he say yes is in the car i  told him u pass it to michelle. he says okie and i ask him is he wrking he say no he ask what am i doing i told him i am at hm he say again u got no friends i say i'm going out soon he say okie bye. he doesn't have anything to say to me already he does not feel pain or sad anymore. WHY DO I STILL FEEL IT????? training will be starting soon....hoping by den when i feel more occupied i will not think of him. BE CLEAR WE ARE JUST NOT MEANT TO BE. wadever is it i really miss those times and i really dun hate him . i thank him for giving me that 8 mths. Comparing him n my ex bf though he cannot be counted as 1 cos he is attached in the first place but still he really made me feel love & pampered . i told myself i dun have to urge myself to forget him asap it needs time becos the more i wanted to forget the more i remember. the small little things he always did the things he always says and the songs he always sings at this point of time i guess wadever he had done b4 i will remember it very clearly. hopefully sometime down the road memories will be become vague.

 其实我非常爱你不想失去你 难道我没有权利说我不愿意
 你给了他的吻 虽然只有余温 可知道我多渴望抓住你的心
 我知道他很爱你你怕他伤心 我每天假装开心害怕你离去
 可不可以任性  求求你不要去
 藏在我心里最后一句
    其实还爱你
可不可以任性
求求你不要去 藏在我心里最后一句
  其实还爱你
 

i really hope next life we can have the chance. it really quite sad to know that its impossible anymore just like waking up from a super wonderful dream or rather like u got something that is so precious but a while it is gone for good. the moment that u need to accept the fact it really unbearable. anyway this chapter of my life has to stop . gotta move on to the next chapter. so 2 things i need to get into my head be clear:we not meant to be . 2nd:focus on my work.

will use my fav colour to blog ......its 2008 ............still the same.......i seriously feeling very troubled. i really love him.but i guess he does not. cos he will bear to make me feel sad & upset.............he will not treat her like dat. i think i have to leave quietly and peacefully. cos no miracles will happen. he is so sure that he will not be with me. he is so confirm and certain about it. that we have no future. i am very sad ................why  do i allow myself to be like this...........friends and family of mine are already very upset with me  i wish i really can drink a glass of "wang qing shui" so as to forget everything.  it so hard. looking at their photo they look so loving n happy. why am i being so cruel ? but why is he being so cruel to me? baobei i really love you. i know you dun.

dear frenz i know its time i should wake up but how? i know no one can help except myself. but i really dunno how to........ wo zhen de hao ai ni

Your presence is where i wan to stay

oh no how............as days goes by  i find myself to be more attached and wan to have him more...........i dun wan to love hm so much i 'm so afraid for that day to come.so scare to face that day. so scare to hear him say that he want to leave me...........he really make me love him so much. last week due to mich's domestic affairs he send me home almost everyday. we talk and spend time together.........everything seems alright but i am really very afraid to lose him. that day went to nat's place have xmas dinner, when someone asks me can i accept that i'm sharing someone i say i dun and i am not happy then he say leave then. unless i say i'm okie to share i'm alright to share then by all means continue. but  since if i am not so i should step out. but i thought through it sometimes i feel i dun expect so much ba keep it this way maybe is the only and best option. i also start to thnk it over does he really love me.....maybe he really does to a certain extend and he simply wan the best of both worlds and probably this is the only option. alot of times i really wan to say this to him----bao bei i really hope we can be together but i know it is impossible. i really love you. knowing is impossible so every mins every seconds with you is so important to me. your presence is where i want to stay. i love you.---- i dun think i have a chance to say all this. wadever la at the moment simply can do nothing hoping that nth will triggers my saddeness before i leave m1. this is the only thing i can hope for.  

its a late night again. i start to ponder again. i seriously dunno what to do now. i sick n tired of this job and the relationship with him. i know that he is like that and this is the way he is treating me. i hate it but i still carry on to be like this. hate it hate myself for being so attached to him. it is so sick. why can't i just hate him. why i can't just get you out of my mind when i have other alternatives...........why do i love you so much. why are you treating me like this ? why are being so cruel to me if you say you love me? do you really care how i feel? NO YOU DUN. WHY SHOULD I BE SAD BECOZ OF YOU?  I REALLY HATE MYSELF FOR LOVING YOU!!!!!!!

i am really tired and shattered ..........that day the scene is so clearly flashing through my mind............i am really sad. i told him that he dun have the though of meeting me ....he say that timing is not correct tell me dun be like that. am i expecting too much...........i know where's my stand. i dun have the rights to be upset or angry. but i can't control. i really hope that i can have him for one day. just 1 day. but its impossible. he has never been mine." first you say you won't den you say you will keep me hanging on without moving on..."..

wad shall i do????i really feel damn confuse!!!!!! I hate it i hate it!!!!!! Why always being troubled????? I wan to be happy. I just want to be happy!!!!! its simple but yet difficult!!!!!!ARGH!!!!! How do i live happily without thinking abt you!!!!!!!!!!!! I wanna get out here i wanna fly.......

i breakdown today.......these few days i 've been thinking.from last week till now i've been thinking.i went to biotherm's gathering last week when pple ask nicole do u have a bf? i seriously did not know what to answer. last night i ask him why today can't meet for a while he say i'm very busy i have to talk to my gf. and say he is very vexed enough can i dun make him more vex i ask him what is troubling he says alot of things. he will not tell me off straight saying i need to talk to my gf. but yesterday he did. i 've been thinking n thinking finally i break down n cried out . after dat i off my hp. den on again he called me 20 over times. am i important ? i know very clearly we will not be together. but really i dunno how to draw the line. maybe i really love him alot.