2 posts from May 2008

OH GOD!!!! Today i let myself down again. he called abt 4 plus and ask me wanna meet for dinner at town at 5 when i was rotting at home painting my nails n watching dvd since morning. i was stupid that i actually rush to bathe and took a cab there just to have dinner. i simply dunno wad we are now. we say it has ended somehow or rather after last tues it did not revert back to what we were but we are doing wrong things again. i am very sad that i am just a spare as and when he need or think of it den he will call. i can't tell anyone that i'm sad cause it myself to let him do this to me. i also dunno wad the hell i am afraid of. is it that if i ask him he will say forget it i won't call u again? so because of my fear that he will not contact me again so i can't see him again? i really dunno. i also hate it when i allow myself to behave in this manner. but i just can't control the heart of mine. things we did today makes me feel like we have revert back though reverting back is definately a big NO NO and it won't happen but at least during that time he bothers more but as for now he is like just a as and when thing. i told him tmr i have no class again he say den find things to do lor although he is off. i told him that henry his kinda of gd fren that he has been msging me he also got no response. i just hate it. i really have a simple request i wan to be happy. but its so simple yet hard to happen.

wooo......almost a mth neva blog. Busy with training. oh god damn it just view the idiots friendster i guess he had a great time in korea....looking at those pictures he look so happy n enjoyed. and still wear the t shirt i gave and take a picture. shit you man. still can meet me up on tues. i hate him . i need to get him out of my head i need to hate him. he is someone that given me alot of hurt. sickening. i need to promise myself that i should not let him hurt me again. argh. woo.....4 days of off wed go back sure sianz one. training only left exactly a mth more to go. Safety training is over only left foundation n OJT which is so dry n bored n stress. shit man. the trainer of mine is such a bitch. only scoldings n sacastic words. nothing good comes from her mouth. i m sorry this is the only place i can vent everything out. LIFE SUCKS. just had got a feeling that i'm becoming more n more pestimisstic. nth makes me happy. is the main reason because i m single . I dun think i need one but somehow or rather definately its good when u have someone there when u need. maybe everyone ard me has this someone so i dun have thats why i feel this way. oh its 4am 5 plus or 6 need to go pray with mum haha i dun think i need to sleep. just hope down the mths of this year things gets better. i dun ask for much i just wanna be happy. can i?