3 posts from April 2008

ooooo..........almost two weeks has passed.............no changes at all still feeling that sad............last week was such a tedious week all the test and exams.........this week is first aid.. god damn it i was sick since last mon and it got servere on thurs till now still haven't recover . shit man. on thurs i msg him to c whether he has recover fully and told him its my turn so he call and ask me to rest more and drink more water. fri morning he call also but i was having lessons so i did not ans i call him back same thing he ask and he msg me ard noon time this is the first time he text me after i know him for so long.. but fri we quarrelled. i sms him and he call den he say something like u dun need to sleep other pple need to sleep u dun need to work other pple need to work......i feel so hurt.....followed by sat,sun,mon and just now he did called but less than 3 mins of conversations hang up. cannot accept that we used to chat more than 4 hrs now is less than 3 mins....can't help it to feel upset.....can't help to feel this way:

all of the memories so close to me just fade away

all this time you were pretending

so much for my happy ending.

it's nice to know that you were there,

thanks for actin' like you cared

and makin' me feel I was the only one

it's nice to know we had it all

thanks for watchin' as I fall

and lettin' me know we were done

all this time you were pretending so much for my happy ending.............

i really wanna get out of this but why i can't do it ? time? effort? i hate it...........i hate to have something and den lost it i rather dun have it in the first place............

he was sick..............i called him yesterday to check with him whether he can recommend my fren to join m1 and he sound really sick. so we chat for while.....so today i already had my mind set that i will drop by paragon to pass him some herbal tea. after lesson i went to laser my N. den from macpherson was still raining heavily so i took a cab to paragon with 5 bottles of drink den reach there $20 dollars becos of the ERP $7. OMG!!!! I went in searching ard for him but can't see him den someone say he was too sick went home already. so i was thinking should i take a cab to CCK to pass him. within 5 mins i decided to go. on my way i was quite hungry ...so trying to make sure is he at home i sms him to check with how is he feeling den he call say still okie lor. so not to let him know. just a words den we hanged up when i reached $17 cab fare. i sms him saying blah blah my intention just wanna pass him thats all. he call saying why i come all the way... he say he is going to sleep he ask me to go off so i said i leave it at the void deck u just come down n collect cos i know he doesn't want to see me. in the end he came down, and started asking funny things like he used to ask like why u did button up ur polo t....why i met up with BT. and he came close with his face i did not know how to react and the 3rd time he did that i move a little forward he shunned and say we cannot be like this and less than 10 mins he keep asking me to go hm i asked him how to go CCK interchange cos i dun want to take taxi anymore he was pissed and ask me to take taxi he say he will pay. Seriously i did not expected him to do anything cos i know we are through maybe subconciously i still care a alot thats why i did this today. Michelle says now u get it why he wanna sever ties with u cos is real hard to be frenz........I am just contridicting if he treats me real mean i will be super upset if he continue to be nice he will make me even more difficult to leave. i really can't help to feel upset that he do not even want to chat with me more than 5 mins. and this week SEP starts everyone in my class started calling their love ones to update like jumping the slidess but i can't call him anymore. i can't call anyone else. haiz how sad it is to feel like this...... i dunno why . is really IMPOSSIBLE but i still feel alot.

when you walk away , i count the steps you take

Do you see how much i need you right now

when you're gone....

the pieces of my heart are missing you.

when you're gone......

the face i came to know is missing too...

when you're gone.....

all the words i need to hear to always get me through the day and

make it ok.......

I MISS YOU..................

seriously i am really missing him but there's no need to think about him anymore because it has really ended. i know it so clearly but i still coudn't get over. i really miss him alot.................i view the photos every night b4 i sleep......everything i do reminds me of him....i love the things he do........

i dunno wad to do hoping by next week when SEP training starts i can be more focus with work and stop thinking about him. Thought that once training starts i will not think of him however it doesn't seems to be...........nobody can help me.......argh.....i really dunno what to do to get u out my mind. i really miss you.