2 posts from March 2008

Finally everything has come to an end. Actually there is two times we wanna put a stop everything already. once was during CNY. once was after CNY. That time i was really upset like a living dead so i told myself i dun wan to spend my days so sad b4 leaving m1. i told him and plead him to back to wad we were till 24/03/08 my last day in m1. he disagree but after arguements and everything he agree to it. so on 24/03/08 everyone went for  supper. he send me home n he did not want to in the first place. but most of them left he sent me home. we talk we hug we kiss and i ask him will you still call again he say no he is not going to call me again . he say this is wad we had agree. that night i'm so surprise he take it so well. he did not feel sad at all. so i told him that now den i know his feelings can be like signing a contract or like an argeement the date comes means the date comes. he say wad to to do have to control. he say life still goes on he only came into 1/4 of my life.  he says he will control not to call me and he say 70% he thinks he can do it. b4 this day comes i ask myself seriously by this date am i able to take it that he is no longer there ...... am i so confident that i will not be sad..... now i know the answer. In a way its better i dun have to face him anymore not that painful but deep down in me i dun want to lie i do feel pain and sad. thats why i try not to sleep till 4 hoping that i will be super tired so i will not think. still i will think. text him today to check with him is my hp pouch with him ? he called as usual doesn't like to text ....he say yes is in the car i  told him u pass it to michelle. he says okie and i ask him is he wrking he say no he ask what am i doing i told him i am at hm he say again u got no friends i say i'm going out soon he say okie bye. he doesn't have anything to say to me already he does not feel pain or sad anymore. WHY DO I STILL FEEL IT????? training will be starting soon....hoping by den when i feel more occupied i will not think of him. BE CLEAR WE ARE JUST NOT MEANT TO BE. wadever is it i really miss those times and i really dun hate him . i thank him for giving me that 8 mths. Comparing him n my ex bf though he cannot be counted as 1 cos he is attached in the first place but still he really made me feel love & pampered . i told myself i dun have to urge myself to forget him asap it needs time becos the more i wanted to forget the more i remember. the small little things he always did the things he always says and the songs he always sings at this point of time i guess wadever he had done b4 i will remember it very clearly. hopefully sometime down the road memories will be become vague.

 其实我非常爱你不想失去你 难道我没有权利说我不愿意
 你给了他的吻 虽然只有余温 可知道我多渴望抓住你的心
 我知道他很爱你你怕他伤心 我每天假装开心害怕你离去
 可不可以任性  求求你不要去
 藏在我心里最后一句
    其实还爱你
可不可以任性
求求你不要去 藏在我心里最后一句
  其实还爱你
 

i really hope next life we can have the chance. it really quite sad to know that its impossible anymore just like waking up from a super wonderful dream or rather like u got something that is so precious but a while it is gone for good. the moment that u need to accept the fact it really unbearable. anyway this chapter of my life has to stop . gotta move on to the next chapter. so 2 things i need to get into my head be clear:we not meant to be . 2nd:focus on my work.