SAD

its 4.30 in the morning. just finished viewing his & his gf friendster. looking at the photos that they took in korea and other places that they went to. looking at the things he gave her,their future house their happy life together past & present. listening to this song 其实还爱你  and looking at the same time. the feeling n the lyrics just fit so well. i know by looking i will upset but still i wan to take a look. Maybe its really time for me to just ignore his calls n stop meeting up dun need to wait till after my bday althought i wish to wait till my bday over. he is sick he said on thurs that today can meet up but he is sick so he called and said he is going hm to rest. its okie as i expect he will not meet me today. i hated his inconsistency but joanne just told me how i can expect consistency when we are not having a proper relationship. ya its true. by looking at his gf friendster just tell me alot that he doesn't love me at all,he also dun even spare a thought for me he is not nice as he is. cos i always can't get him out of my mind is becos i think that he is not as bad as i think. i am sad n very down now. but who do u think i can turn to. everyone just thinks that i deserve it. and now michelle cannot stand by me le our wrking hours is diff and we dun c each other everyday already probably there are limited things that we can talk abt.every of my posts is abt you.......do u know how much u mean to me.? you will neva know. i know where i stand in ur heart. how i wished i stay firm when i see you but the moment i see you or u call all this thoughts will just disappear like wind..........why i can't just control. this feelings is really very sucky. upset just so upset..........i dun wan to be a third party i dun wan to destroy i just want to be happy. really so difficult......................although i think that sucide is a stupid thing thing to do but i sometimes at certain point of time i really hope that i can just die....haiz.........dying becos of such matters are very stupid but i am just so down that i can think of nth that makes my life brighter......