Life is such.....

an email that shock me:

To my lovely sister-in-law nicole,

Knowing that the fire will burn you, the knife will cut you, the pork you dont eat but yet you ordered and force it down your throat. It's the same as you knowing there is no outcome between you and him but yet you still did it. That's not the dumbest part. The dumbest part is that you actually chose to lead a life of misery when you say that you are in search of happiness. How can anyone claim to be in search of happiness when she's actually putting her hand into the fire or eating the pork that she detest.

Happiness is all around. I read in humour your search for happiness. It's never far away from you. You just choose to ignore them. You can't remember happy thoughts? That's because you don't treasure them, but instead you choose to remember the unhappy ones by recording them down. When happiness dawned on you, you chose to be indifferent, when happiness made it's appearance, you ignored it. Worse, when happiness came to caress you and comfort you, you drove it away.

1 person alone can never really be happy. Happiness is shared with at least 2 person. Do you remember ever laughing alone? It's always with someone. Friends or family. Do you remember telling yourself a joke or patting yourself on the back for a job well done? You share happiness with ppl. You can't do it alone. Most importantly, you share happiness with your family.

Ask yourself what's your contribution to the family, or home is. Monetary? House work? Emotional support? Search yourself and then ask yourself. Is this your home? To me, you don't really treat this place as your home. There's a reason why a home is a shelter for ppl to come back to rest. Because you can find unwavering support and love here. It may not be physical presence of anyone and It might not always be the gentle strokes and honeyed-words that conveyed the love. It could be harsh treatment, rough words. But when was those things ever meant to be bad for you? Were they ever ill-advised comments or advise?

Do not do something and expect family or friends to return the favor, you will only leave yourself disappointed. It is unfortunate that your mum and dad has to work 2 jobs each to support and upkeep this family. Do you understand the stress and pressure that they have on their shoulders? I don't ask of you to know what they are feeling, but at least try not to give them more things to worry about.
 
Do not read this and tell me you've never wanted anything in return when you do things for your family or friends. If you've really never wanted or expect anything in return, why are you angry or sad when their reactions or words are not what you would expect of them.
 
Life is full of choices, you win with some choices, you lose the others. No one's life is perfect. You think the blissfully married ppl have no problems on their own? You think the rich and famous have no issues they are pissed about? The difference is, these ppl deal with it. They make an effort to change for the better.
 You? You decided to go into cyberspace and blog and whine about your life. Yes, the culture sucks, the colleagues are mean but so what? You chose this path knowingly or unknowingly. You have made a choice to join the airline industry suck it up and go thru it. This is life. Nobody said life was going to be pretty. You make your own life heaven or hell. You want to quit after your bond finishes. What would you then decide to do?
 
You expect others to give you opportunities? What rights do you have? The main difference between you and other ppl who can choose what jobs they want to do is these ppl made an effort. Some slog and get their proper qualification and deserves the chances that they have, becos they put in effort to be recognised. You? What effort have you made to allow others to give you the opportunity? You are still the same you from the day i know you from 2 years ago. 2 years is a long time. If you have started on re-doing your "O's" you would have done it 2 times already.
 
I've been very critical to you lately because i want you to know about responsibilities. You're nearing your 21st birthday and thus i want to tell you this. Nobody wants to grow up, nobody likes responsibilites. But at the same time, no one can escape from the responsibilities that they have. Just like you, i am a son to my parents. I'm a husband to your sisiter. And you, a daughter to your parents, a sister to my wife. These bring responsibilities. Everyone has their own problems. Once in a while, you want to de-stress and complain about your job, life blah blah....i understand because i do that too. But to do that everyday? It's unhealty not just for you. For the people around you too. Especially if it's around the same few topics, the same few meaningless things.
 
I don't want to tell all these to you straight in your face because these statements hurt. But at the same time, i treat you like my real younger sister and i care for you. I'm worried about you now, and your future. There's no better chance then now, before your 21st birthday , to look at yourself. Ask yourself what you have achieved over the last 21years of your life. Is this how you want it to be for the next 5, 10 years?
 
I think it's time you really started to grow up and stop pretending that you are grown up. Your parents and my parents aren't really the best examples. But do you want to be like them? I don't. So i grew up and became a responsible adult. I took charge of my life and made a difference to myself. why is everyone donating to china and not myanmar? Because if you don't help yourself, why should others help you.
 
Love,
 
Your irritating brother-in-law.
 
Hugz....

The moment I read. Tears rolled down my cheeks. I’m not feeling that this email is wrong or i felt being wrong. Everyone has different thinkings & perception towards anything. I am not saying that in contents of email was wrong totally but it’s not right totally. Ultimately wrong or right doesn't really matters.

What matters most is how I feel? How am i going to face it? Alright....Love. I failed. I truly admit that. i am stuck this person for more than 8 mths and i am complaining in this blog of mine all posts is abt him . By whining here makes me feel better because i dun think i should go to my frens or family as i am the one at fault i am the one who does not take advice from them.  However i should put it this way i and him have tried so many times to be clean perhaps not trying hard enough or to some trying isn't the word to use --some pple say just do it instead of try. I did not succeed is because i do not want to feel miserable do not want to be so upset till i can't carry on with my daily life normally that’s why i choose to be this way. i feel that eventually we will be clean. i know eventually is craps to most of my frens or family but to me i believe is when the time comes will have to stop means stop. Of cos there is choices, here’s an eventually examples: when nelson decided to break up with me so many times till one point  i eventually agreeed after so many times. when u know its time to do it u will not saying dun love the person anymore. When nelson and I broke up I still love him. This is why now i am standing in the same position waiting eventually to come. As I know I will be sick n tired of it ….so when that happens that where eventually comes. This may sound craps but is my perception. Everyone is different in this world.

Contributions to home? I did not contribute a lot but I did. Alright in all just a thought : Communications is very important. If there isn’t any communications , do not judge pple based on our own thinkings . Can wonder how’s is it like but not judging. After talking to my sis I felt so much better. I seriously do not wish to have any unhappiness at home but for the moment I dun know how to face him.